On Friday, as I drove to my Portfolio Review at the Cambridge Art Association, I panicked. Not enough to drive irresponsibly, but enough to get my blood churning and my head full of negative thoughts. Then I had a flash of insight:
I can't behave like this when I am getting exactly what I've asked for".
There it was.
The burden of having to graciously receive the thing I've been asking the universe to provide. I was in search of good and honest feedback on my recent work, and in about ten minutes I would sit down and hear it. Lucky me, right?
My reviewer, Katherine French, was spot on. I found myself agreeing with all of her comments, taking copious notes with the names of museums, galleries, and artists I should see. When she pointed out a weakness, I saw it too. When she had positive comments, I nodded in agreement. "Yes, I thought that was successful!" Her encouragement has set me ablaze with energy and a renewed sense of purpose. Sometimes it's enough just to hear that you are heading in the right direction. That's all I was asking for and I got so much more.
I once told me kids that hours and days pass slowly, but months and years fly by. Somedays I'd like to slow down the pages of the calendar, to have as much time as I could ever want for art.
But I've learned something very important this week: be careful what you ask for.